Goodbye

If you asked me one year ago where I would be today I would not have had the slightest clue.  And if you told me even six months ago I would be in Cambodia I would not believe it.  I may be leaving now, but I loved these past three months.

I came here for these girls.  They are the reason for this whole experience.  Interning in New York I knew I was helping girls somewhere, somehow in the bigger scheme of things.  But I didn't want to be in a cubicle on 33rd Street.  I wanted to be in Cambodia, with the girls, and seeing the change I was making.

Now that my time here is finished I know that I have accomplished that and more.  I came here to see the difference I was making.  I wanted that work you can see instantly - the smiles, the laughter, the improvements in English.

Making these girls smile was an accomplishment in itself.  I didn't come here to be their friend.  I came here to work.  I came here to teach them, work with them, and distract them from the world.  Making them smile is all I could have asked for.  Because even if they wouldn't do their assignment that day, and barely look me in the eye, if I could get a single smile, if even for a second, that is one split second they aren't thinking about anything else.  That is one split second they are happy.

Some days were terrible, most days were wonderful, and every single day with these girls was worth it.  I came here for them, I did everything for them, and I acted like a complete imbecile for them just to laugh.  These girls have changed my life and I can only hope I have made even the slightest impact on theirs.

Why I love Cambodia

Today I was walking down the street and passed a little boy playing by himself on the side of the road.  He was holding a toy.  It was an empty plastic water bottle with two toothpicks stuck into each side, and on the end of the toothpicks there were plastic water bottle caps poked through.  He had a toy car.  He was just playing on the side of Sothearos Boulevard having a ball.  Things like this are why I love Cambodia.

Life

Life.  What is life?  I often find myself asking this question.  I asked myself this just last week as I watched shooting stars while floating in the South China Sea.  I asked myself this as I was walking with an elephant through the jungle, and driving a moto bike through the countryside, and swimming in the Phnom Kulen waterfall, and even just day to day.  

Being here, in this glorious country, I have asked myself this question so many times.  Not only when doing things I never imagined, seeing things I never imagined, and experiencing things I never imagined, but also doing my day to day work.  Being with these girls, having conversations with these girls, just hanging out with these girls.  I love that I am here and I love what I am doing. 

So what is life?  It's this crazy, messy, exciting, heartbreaking, joyous, and downright lovely thing.  No one knows what's next.  People may think they know, but do they?  I had no idea that one day I would be living in Cambodia doing this work.  And currently I have no idea what comes after.  

Life is just awesome, I guess that's really all I can say.  

(Pictured: Hoi An, Vietnam)

Vietnam

Spending six days in Vietnam was not enough, but it was something.  I saw beautiful landscapes and even more beautiful people.  People who you have no idea what they are saying but can have a full conversation through hand gestures and smiles.  People who you spend 16 hours with on a train, sharing a sleeping car, and bond with.  Who you hug when you leave each other yet you don't even know each other's names.  People who ask if you're American so they can clarify that they used to not like Americans, but now they think they're okay.  People who will hold your hand as you walk pass them in an alley way.  You don't know what is going on, but you enjoy every second of it.  These beautiful people can share so much with you when you are just passing by.  They open up their hearts to you and I thank them for everything I saw throughout those six days, everything I experienced and will never forget.  

Umm...

Umm...you would think with photos like these there would be so much to say.  The thing is, there is plenty to say, I just don't even know how to go about that.  I love this place.  Love it.  Does that suffice?

Fallen

Phnom Penh is interesting, Siem Reap is quaint, but what really did me in was Koh Tonsay, known as Rabbit Island.  Maybe it was the line of palm trees, the fact that there wasn't plumbing, or the beautifully warm blue waters of the Gulf of Thailand.  There is so much to say about this island, and my whole weekend in Kep, but I cannot even think of words to properly explain it.  Magical, wonderful, amazing don't cut it.  Marvelous, magnificent, and incredible don't either.  It was so striking I didn't even take any photos that do it justice.

Sometimes you go to a place you never expected to and you fall in love with it in ways you never imagined possible.  I've fallen for Koh Tonsay and I've fallen hard.  I've been asked if I could stay in Cambodia forever.  Phnom Penh, no.  But this place, I would be back in a heartbeat.

These Girls

I literally cannot put into words how awesome these girls are.  Wonderful, exceptional, just purely awesome.  No adjective could even attempt to describe them.  They are intelligent, they are kind hearted, and they are all so radiant.  Whether they are making fun of my Khmer pronunciation or are all so giddy learning new moves in dance class, they are so much fun.  Not every day is easy, but every day is worth it.  These girls make it all worth it.

These girls are the reason I came to Cambodia, the reason I love Cambodia, and the reason my life will never be the same.

(Child pictured was seen in Siem Reap, not in the organization I work with)

Siem Reap

This past weekend was spent in Siem Reap, along with two extra vacation days taken to have just enough time to see the sites.  Living in Phnom Penh is something I never particularly planned to do.  I never saw myself living in Cambodia or even had the desire to, but then life happened and I found myself here.  The beauty I saw this weekend hit me even harder than those days I realize I'm in Cambodia in the first place.

The French Quarter was quaint, the riverside was beautifully illuminated, and the foreigners were everywhere.  Although it may be a haven for tourists worldwide, that does not make this place any less special.  Pub Street was busy night after night as we hopped from bar to bar.  The sites seemed to get better and better each day.  I saw temples, waterfalls, and saw rice fields by horseback.  In these short four days I saw so much that I never imagined I would.

Waking up at 4am to make my way to Angkor Wat was something I cannot explain.  I heard so much about this temple and have seen numerous photos, but what would I feel when I arrived?  Walking down that causeway as the sun started to rise, there were red, blue and purple clouds scattered across the sky.

Spending close to ten hours climbing, walking, hiking, and exploring temple after temple did not lose it's magic, even under the midday sun.  With every step I took and every turn I made I found something new.  Something new to appreciate, to be amazed by, to fall in love with.

I swam under a waterfall on Kulen Mountain, saw the reclining buddha statue at Preah Ang Thom, saw ancient carvings in the river of Kbal Spean - I did so much and I saw so much.  I followed a barefoot four year old into the woods without a word spoken.  I joined the three woman standing around a hole in the ground with crystal clear water.  Welcomed to watch with them, appreciate with them, and be with them even if only for a brief moment.

I dipped my hand into Tonle Sap, the largest lake in Southeast Asia.  I saw a whole village built on stilts in the water.  The houses, schools, and spirit houses all standing high above the water just waiting for the level to rise.  I went on a boat through a mango forest, yet little did I know there were even forests in water to begin with.

This trip cannot be condensed into a blog post.  This trip cannot be condensed into a story to my friends and family.  This trip is something that I will hold in my memory and hopefully never forget what I felt at all of those sites.  I may have never expected to live in Cambodia, but I definitely never expected to see the things I saw this weekend and have the experience of a lifetime - and it isn't over yet.

The Clinic

It's not a true abroad experience without a trip to the doctors, am I right?  In Australia I came down with pneumonia only two weeks after being there.  It was terrifying, and that was in a first world country with native English speakers.  I even got cheered up by my doctor who attended NYU as we joked about New York together.  But in Cambodia, it's a whole other story.

At first I didn't want to go.  Who wants to go to the doctor anyway?  Especially in Cambodia!  Then again, this could be something worse than my personal diagnosis from Mayo Clinic.

Thankfully I know the Khmer word for name so I was able to write that down when handed a pen and paper upon my arrival.  Then the nurse wrote 19 on the paper and it took me a few minutes to figure out she wanted to know the year I was born.  She ended up weighing me, measuring me, and probably thinking I was quite dumb as to not know my own weight and height.  Actually, I do know my weight and height, but I don't know the metric system so I lied.

Soon I was trying to explain to the doctor what is wrong with me.  That is very hard when I do not speak Khmer and he does not speak English.  I don't think he picked up on my attempt at charades either.  The next thing I know, I was laying on a bed with the male doctor so hesitant to touch my stomach and feel for pain, four people are looking over me, I have no idea what anyone is saying, and I just began to laugh.  This probably didn't help the doctor trying to feel my stomach, but I couldn't help myself.

Thankfully a man came in the room and asked if I spoke English and my eyes lit up.  Through this translator I learned the doctor wanted a blood test and an x-ray.  I don't know too much about medical issues but I knew I did not need an x-ray.  Turns out, by x-ray he meant ultrasound.  Now I really knew I did not need an ultrasound.  They were probably thinking this white girl comes in with stomach pains so she must be pregnant.

We stepped outside in order to reach the ultrasound room and passed a man sitting on an old plastic chair.  His shirt was unbuttoned showing his full gut, and he was playing a game on his phone.  That man was the ultrasound technician.  Now here I am with blue goo all over my stomach, watching my insides on the screen above numerous photos of babies, trying to explain that I am not pregnant in my best Khmer to a man that didn't even button his shirt for this procedure.  "Atay baby! Atay baby!" meaning "No baby! No baby!" was not very convincing for him.  If that wasn't bad enough, I also ended up doing a urine sample in an outhouse with no soap to wash my hands afterward.  But worst of all was my blood test.

I went into the room and saw an antiseptic-soaked cotton ball placed in a pair of tongs.  This man was not wearing any gloves.  I repeat, he was not wearing any gloves.  There weren't even gloves for him if he wanted to wear them!  He ignored the tongs, took the cotton ball with his fingers, wiped my arm, squeezed the excess liquid out, and continued to wipe my arm.  Did he think this is sanitary?  Still glove-less he took the needle and injected it into my vein.  I just stared at the floor because I could not bare to look at what was actually happening.

Sixty seven dollars later my stomach was sticky with ultrasound goop, my arm was bleeding, and I now had 118 pills prescribed to take.  I was told there is bacteria in my stomach, but don't we all have bacteria in our stomachs?  I went home and googled all my meds and it turns out they are to kill parasites.  Awesome.  Nothing like a real Cambodia experience without having a parasite living inside you!

I also cannot tell my family this news or else they would either die of shock, try to come here to be with me, or try to get me to come home.  Writing a blog post about it probably isn't the smartest idea, but this could also be a test to see if they actually read this.  Now excuse me while I go take my afternoon dose of pills and try kill this thing once and for all.

These Days

These days have been filled with a lot of realizations and reflections.  I used to complain if I didn't have enough leg room in our mini van for a family of four.  Here, people pile their families of four (or more) onto moto bikes, and even commute with their children riding on bicycle handle bars, or book racks for a seat.  I used to not finish my dinner if I didn't like all the vegetables.  Here, kids will eat anything because they are so grateful to have food, and may even go through trash to do so.  I used to get new clothes every year even if my old clothes still fit me.  Here, some kids do not even wear clothes, and many babies do not wear diapers.

The complaining I did back home cannot even be vocalized here.  Seeing the lives of Third World residents is nothing compared to back home.  Of course there are many people in America that are struggling to survive, but one third of Cambodia's population lives on $1 a day.  I'm pretty sure a pack of gum in America is now over one dollar...