Here I am typing a blog post from Phnom Penh. That's Cambodia for crying out loud!
I went to college like I was expected to.
I graduated just two months ago.
I now am part of the eight percent of the world that holds a college degree.
Eight percent.
I landed an internship position in Phnom Penh.
An internship position at an organization that helps victims of sexual exploitation.
I got it.
I accepted it.
I came here.
Now I'm here doing what I wanted to be doing. Around graduation everyone was asking my post-graduation plans and although I had a plan, I chose not to tell too many people.
Everyone asks about the post-graduation plan because they expect you to have a job lined up.
They expect you to have a job, an income, security, safety, and all that other bullshit.
They expect so much of you, yet at the same time so little.
These expectations wear away at your soul and your drive to actually do what you want.
Do I want to have security and settle for the first job that comes my way?
Do I really want to do that?
Do I love that?
Don't I want to do what I love?
I'm not sure enough people ask themselves these questions, and even if they do ask, maybe not enough are answering with honesty. I'm not one to tell people how to live their life, yet everyone else is willing to tell the world how to live theirs. How to live up to every single expectation set by society, set by your classmates, set by your family.
These expectations are set and it is my first instinct to follow them.
But wait a minute.
Is that what I want to do?
Yes, I am currently in Cambodia.
Yes, I arrive back to the States in a little over two months.
No, I do not have a job waiting for me.
I do not have an apartment to come home to.
I do not have a clue.
At first this scares me.
I have to look for a job, I have to think about grad school, I have to I have to I have to.
Actually, I don't have to do anything.
I'm not saying I'm not driven, because I sure as hell am, but maybe I don't know what I'm driving towards. It's a nice feeling to know what you want. You can just go out there and work your way to get what you want.
That is what is expected of you.
Graduate, know what you want, go find it, interview for it, get it, accept it, start your life.
That's not how it is for me. I'm here in Cambodia without a clue of what is next. It scares the living daylights out of me, of course, but at the same time I'm free.
I know I want to go to graduate school, but maybe not just yet.
I know I want to find an apartment, because I can only sleep on my sister's couch for so many nights.
I know I want to find a job, because my grumbling stomach will explain that one.
And I know I want to help people.
I came to Cambodia in the first place to help people. To help these girls. The girls that light up the room with their smiles, that make you laugh during language barrier charades, and who make it all worth it.
Two months ago I did not know much of what I wanted after graduation.
I knew I didn't want a dead end job that I would just settle for.
I knew I wanted something new.
I knew this decision was right for me.
Coming to Cambodia will not only help these girls, my resume, and ability to self reflect, but it will help me be lost.
I have no clue what I am going to do in two months and instead of being afraid of the unknown, it is time to embrace it.